WILMINGTON, DE—The Bidens, known for their wisdom and class, have discovered another way to commit a bunch more heinous crimes. Last weekend’s events forced the FBI and Secret Service to admit they had a crippling fear of surfaces that are not perfectly level. “It is true that any and all criminal acts can take…
Category: Law
FBI Hacks Into The Phones Of Everyone Making Fun Of Them For Refusing To Hack Into Shooter's Phone
WASHINGTON, DC – It’s a long-standing policy to respect the privacy of any radical liberals who try to kill anyone in the path of Democrats. So, when the FBI opted not to investigate the cell phone of Trump’s would-be assassin, they were just following protocol. But not everyone understands this, and this has made the…
Report: Secret Service Allowed Shooter To Borrow Rifle, Ladder
BUTLER, PA – Another shocking but not surprising revelation has been uncovered in Saturday’s horrifying assassination attempt.Cell phone footage shows 20-year-old Thomas Matthew Crooks approaching several Secret Service agents and tapping them on the shoulder. “Hey guys, mind if I borrow that rifle? This Trump character has my blood boiling, and I want to go…
Female Secret Service Agents File Lawsuit For 'Unsafe' Work Environment
BUTLER, PA— In a significant move towards workplace justice, the herd of female agents who hid behind President Trump as the bullets were flying have recently filed a lawsuit against the Secret Service. Citing ‘unacceptably dangerous working conditions,’ the large and slow women sought to hire the most capable team of lawyers to represent them.…
Jill Biden Signs Sweeping Executive Order Legalizing Elder Abuse
WASHINGTON, DC — On Friday, Jill Biden placed her foot on the lower back of her husband and used it to forcefully shove him to the ground. Then she demanded a White House staffer hand her a pen. The cap of the pen was stuck tightly at first, but nevertheless, she persisted. Moments later, she had signed…