BUTLER, PA – Another shocking but not surprising revelation has been uncovered in Saturday’s horrifying assassination attempt.
Cell phone footage shows 20-year-old Thomas Matthew Crooks approaching several Secret Service agents and tapping them on the shoulder.
“Hey guys, mind if I borrow that rifle? This Trump character has my blood boiling, and I want to go climb on that shed and let the rage flow through me. Because, ya know.. something has to be done,” Crooks, can he hear asking.
The agents then turn towards Crooks and tell him, “Hey, HEY, get back!”
As the agents fumble with their guns and inadvertently fire their weapons into the ground, several of them can be heard weeping. Then one of the more overweight female agents screams the following into her radio:
“We’ve got a white male approaching us–could be a MAGA Republican. Request for backup immediately!”
But their emotions quickly calm when Crooks presents his $15 donation receipt to ‘ActBlue,’ a radical leftist activist group.
“Oh, thank God. For a second, I thought you were some type of security risk. What did you need, sir? Our riffles? Most certainly,” an agent says, handing the young man their firearm.
Immediately, a male agent runs over to the exchange and demands to know what’s going on.
“It’s ok, against Thompson, relax! He’s not a MAGA Republican!” she reassures. “He’s just a mostly peaceful youth who’s been driven to the brink of insanity due to Trump’s divisive rhetoric. He simply wants to borrow one of our guns and get on that dangerously slopped roof.”
“Oh, for f*** sake!” he screamed. “And you’re just going to give it to him!? Without a ladder–are you out of your mind?!”
The cellphone footage then shows the Secret Service giving Crooks a police escort over to the barn and helping him situate himself atop the roof.
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