BUTLER, PA— In a significant move towards workplace justice, the herd of female agents who hid behind President Trump as the bullets were flying have recently filed a lawsuit against the Secret Service.
Citing ‘unacceptably dangerous working conditions,’ the large and slow women sought to hire the most capable team of lawyers to represent them. However, they had to settle for Gloria Allred.
“When these women put on that bulletproof vest and show up for work, they shouldn’t have to live in fear of being shot,” Allred’s statement began. “Women are just as capable of collecting the six-figure salary this elite job offers, but that does not mean they should face the same risk as men.”
Days after the incident in Butler, one of the heavier female agents was still stuck in the bleachers. She gave the following statement:
“They say that being a mother is the toughest job. Well, if the moms aren’t being shot at, why on earth are female Secret Service agents asked to stand in front of gunfire? It makes no sense. I might as well be a mom!” She screamed. “It’s pure sexism. There is nothing a man can do that women can’t! Also, if it’s safe, can you gather some strong men to help pull me out of here?”
The lawsuit will also rope in other complaints alleged by the women agents.
“The physical threats are bad enough, but some of the male agents have also made stereotypical remarks that women don’t have a competent grasp of geography and how money works,” Allred said. “Well, what happened in Pennsylvania, supposedly a friendly southern state, shows exactly why we’re seeking eleventy thousand hundred dollars in damages.”
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