New York Mayor, Bill de Blasio was heard whispering, “I’ve made a huge mistake” from his hospital bed after receiving an overly aggressive colonoscopy from members of the National Guard. “I know we fired a ton of medical professionals, but they didn’t have to shove an old handheld video camera up there,” he muttered. De Blasio’s procedure…

Since so many nurses at New York’s St. Mary’s Hospital have been fired; all pregnancy care for biological men has been suspended. “It was a controversial decision, but we simply didn’t have the staff to keep checking to see if Kendall was dilating,” an administrator admitted. “I finally made up my mind when some of the…

When Anthony Fauci is not getting assaulted by Dr. Rand Paul, he’s always dishing out helpful advice. On Tuesday, the brilliant doctor reminded all Americans to thoroughly wash their brains. “The science told me personally that everyone should be washing their brain two, perhaps three times a day. And watching CNN is a great start,” Fauci told…