Orlando Magic forward, Jonathan Isaac has informed all NBA media members that they will need to have a body fat percentage of 2.9% or lower to speak with him.
Since obesity is the number one factor in COVID deaths, Isaac feels their decision to be fat will put him and his family at risk.
“I’ve made the choice to make my body a chiseled, well-oiled machine with less than 3% body fat. And some of these reporters believe they have the personal freedom to have a sloppy body fat rate of up to 35%. But that doesn’t affect just them,” Isaac explained. “Their big fat butts are putting us fit people in great danger. Plus the toll they take on the carpet is devastating.”
Upon hearing the news, ESPN’s rather large Brian Windhorst vowed to condemn Isaac’s demand once he caught his breath from waddling back from the vending machine.
“This is an outrage! Who does he think he is telling us what to do with our bodies?” Windhorst huffed at the NBA player. “And if you’re in such good shape why are you worried about anyone else?”
Update: Once the Cheesecake Factory arrived with catered lunch for NBA press members, many of the reporters felt the need to do their own research as it relates to obesity.
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