Fictional President Joe Biden entered the lion’s den this week when he appeared on Chris Wallace’s show. Wallace, who once applied sunscreen to Obama’s back so evenly it made Barack cry, didn’t hold back. “You know what, President Biden? Here at Fox, our ratings are low and people are demanding accountability more than ever. So…
Category: Faith
Large California Family To Host Funeral For Turkey Famous For Social Justice Work
It’s with a heavy heart that The Glorious American informs the world that the turkey famous for his work as a social justice warrior, the Reverend Stuffy Gobbleson, sadly passed away this week. He was overweight, diabetic, and lived twice as long as a normal turkey, but many believe it was our racist and unjust nation that…
Government Promises To Give All Our Freedoms ‘Right Back’ After Virus
“You guys pinky swear you’ll give these back, right?” That’s what Americans are asking after the government abolished their right to assemble, protest, religion, look at a tree, and free speech. “Oh yeah, are you kidding? We’re going to give those freedoms right back, probably,” Governor Gavin Newsom explained. “It’s just that this virus is…
Trump To Acosta: ‘I Brought You Into This World, And I Can Take You Out’
During a White House press briefing this week, CNN’s Jim Acosta kept hounding the president about why Melania chose to marry him. “Mr. President, this is a real news-type question; just please tell us, what can she possibly see in you?” Then, in what was a tense exchange, the president abruptly yelled, “Ya know what,…
Medical Experts Predict A Lack Of Hospital Beds In About 9 Months
With nearly all citizens being quarantined in their homes, doctors at the Mayo Clinic believe many married couples may engage in what the medical community calls the “hanky-panky”. If that truth wasn’t distressing enough, subsequent research is showing that this brazen act can commonly lead to the birth of a child. This means that in…