As CNN hosts asked each Democratic candidate to explain why taxpayers should pay for the sex change operation of prisoners, the good folks at the Federal Elections Commission couldn’t help but notice Donald Trump’s approval rating inching up the longer the show aired. Eventually, it was decided to officially label the full CNN broadcast as…
Category: Elections
Trouble for GOP? Polling shows Democrats lock up baby-eater vote
New polling suggests the Democrat party is running away with voters who want to eat the babies. When asked “Which party best supports your right to eat the babies?” the Democrats got a whopping 98% a new Gallup poll reveals. Despite ranking 2,219th in voters’ list of important issues, Republicans’ long history of keeping human…
As another victimhood claim falls through, Elizabeth Warren fails to qualify for next Dem debate
Unfortunately for Elizabeth Warren and her supporters, the Massachusetts Senator has failed to meet the two grievance minimum to qualify for the next Democratic debate. Warren was thought to be a safe addition to the October 15th debate in Ohio as she routinely reminded the public she was once fired for beginning to look pregnant.…
Biden White House Hires Hillary’s Rope Team to Keep Press At A Distance
As more questions reguarding Biden’s inexplicable leadership pile-up; his administration has hired Hillary Clinton’s award-winning rope team to shield him from the press. “Alright, the press is coming in hot! I want that famous perimeter!” Susan Rice yelled into a bullhorn as she saw a Glorious American reporter approaching. In case you’ve forgotten, Hillary’s rope…
Biden Encourages Nation’s Youth To Get Campaign Updates Via Phonograph
It wasn’t a pretty scene in the first debate when Joe Biden tried to get Americans to text into his campaign. “And remember, go to ‘Joe 0330..uhh, 30..03303” Biden mumbled before nearly losing consciousness in confusion. “Ah, the hell with this fancy computer [explicit]!” Biden reportedly yelled to senior campaign members backstage. “Let’s keep it…