Unfortunately for Elizabeth Warren and her supporters, the Massachusetts Senator has failed to meet the two grievance minimum to qualify for the next Democratic debate.
Warren was thought to be a safe addition to the October 15th debate in Ohio as she routinely reminded the public she was once fired for beginning to look pregnant. However, recent footage and documents are now disproving that. This means Warren’s only debilitating personal burden is being a woman.
“While we are saddened by this news, the Senator is simply nothing but a rich, white, heterosexual. A clear violation of our rules,” said the DNC in a statement.
“Wait! I can do better!” a devastated Warren screamed as liberals everywhere began turning their backs on her. “I can be a.. a whatever you want! Hold on, let me check Twitter. I’ll find a good one in a gif!”
This news also forced the DNC to justify why Biden, a rich, white heterosexual male made the cut.
“Being Obama’s friend while having a clear mental illness more than satisfies our requirements,” the DNC replied.
Update: Sources are telling The Glorious American that Warren’s camp is workshopping a few last-minute grievances that include self-identifying as a bi-sexual raccoon and being denied access to a presidential debate.
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