WASHINGTON, DC — Fictional President Joe Biden, bitter that Donald Trump brought too many pesky manufacturing jobs back to America, has announced a killer Cyber Monday deal for Xi Jinping. In a press release titled ‘Make America Second Rate Again’, the Biden administration provided a transcript of the two leaders talking: “I can’t believe I’m doing…
Category: Economic
Report: Mexico Attempted To Pay For the Wall Multiple Times, But US Treasury Doesn’t Take Discover
MEXICO CITY— Members of the previous administration were dealt some rather embarrassing news Friday when it was learned that Mexico had been attempting to pay for a border wall, but the US Treasury does not take Discover Card. Shortly after the 2016 election, a low-level Trump staffer received a series of voicemails from then-Mexican President…
Bernie Sanders Scolds Visa For Using GOP Talking Point On His Credit Card Statement
MONTPELIER, VT – While trying to relax in another freshly purchased lake house, Bernie Sanders was again irritated with another big corporation. This week, it was the Visa Credit Card company. The Senator was first alerted to the harassment by his $6.32-an-hour-earning assistant. “Excuse me, Mr. Sanders? I think you should really take a look…
Woke Bank Makes Good On Climate Pledge By Turning Off Their Lights Forever
SANTA CLARA, CA – The brilliant business titans over at Silicon Valley Bank have decided to take a major stand on global warming after they realized they had no more money. In a touching Twitter post, the bank wrote: “Effective immediately, all 17 of our branches will courageously switch off all their lights. Forever. But…
Biden Comforts His Base With A Promise Of ‘A Chicken In Every Pot And A Noose In Every Garage’
WASHINGTON, DC — Democrats everywhere keep getting deflated to learn hate crime after hate crime turns out to be a hoax. Joe Biden, known for his deep political savvy, detected his loyal base is craving horrible racist acts more than ever. So the fictional president is acting. “The supply and demand of real racism is…