SANTA CLARA, CA – The brilliant business titans over at Silicon Valley Bank have decided to take a major stand on global warming after they realized they had no more money.
In a touching Twitter post, the bank wrote:
“Effective immediately, all 17 of our branches will courageously switch off all their lights. Forever. But we won’t stop there. To heal the planet. We’re also turning off each computer, unplugging our refrigerators, and shutting off the pay and healthcare benefits of all 9,000 employees.”
But the post only raised more questions.
“They’re only turning the lights off because their balance sheet is more messed up than Rand Paul’s hair.” Elon Musk replied.
The bank informed Musk they’re not comfortable with the term ‘balance sheet’ because it reminds them of the sheets used by southern Democrats in the early 1900s.
Update: Impressed with their commitment to reducing their climate footprint, the Biden administration has asked the SVB management team to take private airplanes to share their wisdom with all fortune 500 companies.
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