WASHINGTON, DC — Democrats everywhere keep getting deflated to learn hate crime after hate crime turns out to be a hoax. Joe Biden, known for his deep political savvy, detected his loyal base is craving horrible racist acts more than ever. So the fictional president is acting.
“The supply and demand of real racism is outta wack, jack! I’d like just one sensational racist thing to be true too!” Biden shouted. “And when we DO get some juicy racist thing, it’s usually from Jimmy Kimmel.”
This is why Biden’s administration was thrilled to deliver on a campaign promise that’s sure to uplift the spirits of liberals everywhere.
“As president, I will see to it that each registered Democrat will have a chicken in every pot and a noose in every garage!” Biden proclaimed.
Update: All twelve people have demanded the slogan be changed to ‘free-range’ chicken. Less than a minute later, they demanded it be updated to ‘vegan chicken substitute spread.’ Joe Biden then reflexively laid down in the fetal position and whispered, “You can take whatever you want, just don’t hurt me.”
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