WASHINGTON, DC — To give themselves an edge in the January 6th mystery, the crime-fighting committee (who demand to be called J6C-FORCE!) hired none other than Ray Epps several months ago. “I think everyone who called us stupid has a lot of explaining to do,” Liz Cheney said after announcing Epps to the team. “This man…
Category: Carousel
How Can You Call Me A ‘Limousine Liberal’ If I Drive The Audi Q8 My Dad Bought Me? By Libby McTardo
Hello, it’s me/zi/zoy Libby McTardo again, and I’m literally shaking right now. Why? Because after my last op-ed, a bunch of you tried to kill me by making fun of me. And if you think I’m exaggerating then you’re a rapist. Anywho, I’m here to ask perhaps the most important question of our time: How Can You Call…
LeBron: ‘We're At The Point Where A Girl Can't Even Stab Her Friends Anymore’
With the country in disarray, Americans continue to turn to famed basketball dribbler and notable high school graduate LeBron James. Following an exhausting Lakers practice filled with gender pronoun drills and watching film (CNN), James issued a sobering reminder of how far this country has fallen in the wake of Donald Trump: “Ya know, it’s…
Gavin Newsom Tweets, “STOP THE COUNT!” As Recall Signatures Pour In
Gavin Newsom has finally snapped. On Thursday night, after reports that the campaign to recall him was approaching two million signatures, he frantically tweeted, “STOP THE COUNT!” According to sources, Newsom was also incessantly screaming the same phrase as he paced his governor’s mansion. “Why are they picking on me? I’ve done everything big tech,…
Lin Wood Pretty Sure This Cat Is In On The Whole Thing Too
Lin Wood is pretty sure he just discovered the true mastermind behind the deep fraud of the 2020 election. In a bombshell statement the attorney wrote the following: “We now know who was directing John Robert’s treasonous actions. It was Stella, my wife’s cat. This whole time he has been applying pressure on Mike Pence…