Fictional President, Joe Biden gave coal miners a super helpful suggestion earlier this week. “Ya, know…all you guys with your dirty faces and your yucky hammers, listen up!” Biden yelled to a group of angry, New Hampshire coal miners. “When I look at this bunch of 50 and 60-year-old men, I see the future wave…
Category: Breaking News
Hearing That Top Donors Are Found in Caves, Bernie Sanders Now Greatly Disturbing the Bear Habitat
“Would you please come and get this crazy Socialist out of here!” That was the message issued to the DNC from Wyoming’s Department of Fish and Game. After hearing from Mayor Pete and Elizabeth Warren that caves are crawling with billionaire democrat donors, Bernie Sanders apparently felt the urge to explore this untapped opportunity. However,…
Ben Shapiro Angrily Totals Value of Hanukkah Gifts in Preparation For Elizabeth Warren’s Wealth Tax
Ben Shapiro is begrudgingly totaling up the value of his family’s Hanukkah gifts in anticipation of Elizabeth Warren’s wealth tax. Different from an income tax, Warren’s wealth tax plans to bludgeon Americans based on how much all their stuff is worth. “Oh, yeah! A new iPad!” Shapiro’s daughter yelled upon opening the gift. “Don’t forget…
Local Family’s Christmas Card Accused of Lacking Festive Spirit
The Petersons are spending the Holiday season defending themselves against accusations that their Christmas card is lacking in festive spirit. “We were going to make a card with a collage of about 5 pictures of us but we figured, why not invite everyone to see all 1,325 pictures we uploaded this year?” Deborah Peterson said.…
Trump Kicks-Off Space Force By Singing Aerosmith’s: “I Don't Want to Miss a Thing”
Hidden in the bill that ushered in Space Force was a decree that President Trump must sing Aerosmith’s: “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” at the inaugural shuttle launch. Over the weekend, the President fulfilled his duty by absolutely nailing the song in front of 30,000 screaming fans. Trump insisted on being lowered onto…