Ben Shapiro is begrudgingly totaling up the value of his family’s Hanukkah gifts in anticipation of Elizabeth Warren’s wealth tax.
Different from an income tax, Warren’s wealth tax plans to bludgeon Americans based on how much all their stuff is worth.
“Oh, yeah! A new iPad!” Shapiro’s daughter yelled upon opening the gift. “Don’t forget to add another three hundred dollars to our wealth, father! Not only will this tablet bring me joy but also we’ll soon have the added benefit of paying more in taxes because of it. What a patriotic opportunity for us!”
These comments from Ben’s offspring made him furious.
“MY RAGE IS THAT OF A THOUSAND SUNS!” Shapiro yelled to the heavens. “But, I shall sharpen my pencil and update the tax forms accordingly. While I hate this with every fiber of my being, I insist on being in full compliance.”
The Warren campaign commented after they were made aware of Ben Shapiro’s studious preparation.
“Imagine the thrill Ben will have paying for that iPad this year and every other year it holds monetary value. My wealth tax is quite literally the gift that keeps on giving! It’s a Christmas miracle!” shrieked Warren.
Update: Ben Shapiro has become a top campaign advisor for the Trump 2020 campaign.