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Hearing That Top Donors Are Found in Caves, Bernie Sanders Now Greatly Disturbing the Bear Habitat

Hearing That Top Donors Are Found in Caves, Bernie Sanders Now Greatly Disturbing the Bear Habitat

“Would you please come and get this crazy Socialist out of here!”

That was the message issued to the DNC from Wyoming’s Department of Fish and Game.

After hearing from Mayor Pete and Elizabeth Warren that caves are crawling with billionaire democrat donors, Bernie Sanders apparently felt the urge to explore this untapped opportunity. However, park rangers are claiming Bernie has awakened dozens of bears from hibernation and is lucky not to have been mauled.

“We heard him snooping around a bear cave saying, ‘here dona, dona, dona!” reported a frustrated ranger. “First thing, there aren’t any billionaire Democrats in these caves. Secondly, it’s pronounced donor! And you know what’s really sick? Despite being chased out by actual grizzlies, this old man actually registered all these bears as Democrats!”

Bernie was not happy The Glorious American uncovered this story and he is denying the accuracy of our reporting.

“What? Nonsense! I wasn’t looking for millionaires and billionaires,” Sanders insisted. “I was…Ummm. I’m just going for those supa unda-rated three Wyoming Electoral College votes! Yeah, I want to connect where the voters are. And I believe cave-dwelling citizens are some of the most underrepresented in this nation.”

The DNC has agreed to send some staffers to retrieve the Senator. Using an oversized butterfly net and soup as bait, some volunteers eventually captured Sanders and took him back to Vermont; the natural habitat for socialists.