The Petersons are spending the Holiday season defending themselves against accusations that their Christmas card is lacking in festive spirit.
“We were going to make a card with a collage of about 5 pictures of us but we figured, why not invite everyone to see all 1,325 pictures we uploaded this year?” Deborah Peterson said.
The press learned of the offensive Christmas card after the Petersons were turned into the FBI by a brave whistleblower in the Costco photo department.
“I don’t get it. We get super busy printing tens of thousands of cards. What kind of sick freaks would waste our time and their money on this?” Chelsea Morris of Fort Collins, Colorado asked.
Afraid for her life, Chelsea then abruptly left her FBI interview to board the number 9 bus back to her apartment in Arrowhead.
“What’s the big deal? The darn thing had snowflakes on it!” grumbled husband, Dave trying to salvage the disgraced Peterson name. “Who did you say turned us in, again?”
Update: The Glorious American mistakenly printed the whistleblower’s name and address and we regret the error. However, the damage has been done. We can apologize all day long but Chelsea Morris is on her own. No one reads this far into our stories anyway. Dave Peterson seemed really angry and she had better follow through on those plans to lay low at her Auntie Lisa’s condo in Wellington.