The fellas over at the Bloods have announced they are finalizing a deal to absorb Andrew Yang’s followers, known as: The Yang Gang. As membership in the Bloods dwindles and Andrew Yang’s candidacy has stalled, the Blood’s head recruiter, Lil’ Cruiter, approached Yang to discuss the acquisition. “I’ll be honest, I wasn’t thrilled to lose…
Category: Breaking News
After Hillary Attacks Him, Bernie Sanders DESTROYS Her by Trembling With Fear & Begging for Mercy
In her documentary series titled: “The Beast Returns!” Hillary Clinton took an unprovoked shot at Bernie Sanders. “Nobody likes him. He’s a career politician. He’s got a lumpy butt,” Clinton explained. Because Sanders allowed himself to be steamrolled by Hillary and the DNC in 2016, the Vermont senator viewed this as a perfect opportunity to…
Sales For Mike Pompeo’s Cereal Suffer in Iran
Recent reports show sales for Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo’s cereal line to have curiously slowed. “PompeoO’s”, normally a staple on Iranians breakfast tables, are suffering record low sales in the region. “Sales have plummeted,” explained the local rep. “I can’t blame the economy because we don’t have an economy, but something’s happened. Not sure…
House Democrats Solemnly and Tearfully Request Impeachment-Themed Bounce House to Help With Grieving
After the articles of impeachment were passed to the Senate, dozens of House Democrats piled into an impeachment-themed bounce house to cope with their grieving. “Some of you may have noticed a large truck from DC Party Works parked outside,” Nancy Pelosi told the press. “Please understand they will be setting up grieving stations for…