Because the elephant has long represented the Republican Party, the Portland Zoo has taken it upon themselves to warn visitors approaching the elephant exhibit. After installing a sign that reads: “WARNING: The animal in this enclosure has been linked to an extremist hate group. Proceed with caution.” the zoo was forced to issue a statement…
Category: World & Weather
CNN: Trump Floated Idea Of Using Nuke To Nudge Hurricane Towards Mexico
After word leaked from CNN that Donald Trump would consider using a nuclear bomb to redirect a hurricane towards Mexico, the President found himself needing to clarify his position late Monday. “Let me just say that the fake news CNN gave us a real beaut today,” Trump began. “I said, if we could use a…
White House Source: Trump Used Idea Of Buying Greenland As Distraction, Closes On Deal To Buy Moon
Last week, President Trump was the laughing stock of Washington after news leaked that he had made an offer to buy Greenland. As it so often is, the joke might be on Washington as multiple sources are reporting Donald Trump has purchased the Moon. It appears the President may have used his interest in Greenland…
Elizabeth Warren Releases Flowchart To Clarify When She'd Use Nuclear Weapon
During Tuesday’s debate, Elizabeth Warren received some criticism for appearing too reluctant on using nuclear weapons. To clear up any confusion her campaign decided to clarify her stance by releasing a handy flowchart for all voters to see. “A responsible person should be transparent when detonating nuclear weapons,” Warren told The Glorious American. “At least…
50 Years Later, Feminists Still Angry About Flag On Lunar Surface
Despite having 50 years to let it go, feminists and progressives are still fuming at the flag the men of NASA chose to plant on the Moon. “It’s an outrage,” Elizabeth Alpert told The Glorious American. “That horrible flag is what’s holding women back from our own Moon adventures. Seriously, most women are unwavering rule…