The International Olympic Committee has agreed to add the rapidly growing sport of going-back-to-your-car-to-get-your-mask to the 2024 Olympic games. The sport will require participants to park a sedan thirty-five meters from a department store, mutter the F-word just before reaching for the door handle then relay back to their vehicle to retrieve their face mask. …
Category: World & Weather
Biden: 'Coin-Operated Horsey Rides To Become Primary Source Of Transportation'
Joe Biden made headlines Friday when he explained that once his climate policies are fully enacted, the dominant source of transportation would be the coin-operated horsey ride. “Joe Biden has given this a great deal of thought. Nearly a minute,” Press Secretary Jen Psaki said. “And when you look at how clean, efficient, and frankly…
China And Iran Strike Historic Agreement On Who Gets To Blackmail Joe Biden First
Dictators in China and Iran have reached a historic agreement regarding which country will be allowed to blackmail Joe Biden first. Like all of Biden’s illegal dealings, details of the negotiations were leaked. “Ok, everyone relax! We’ll all have plenty of time to blackmail Joe and weaken America.” George Stephanopoulos yelled on a Zoom call…
5,000 Hondurans RSVP For Biden Inauguration
It should be quite the fiesta at the Biden inauguration as over 5,000 Hondurans confirm they’ll be in attendance. Similar to the desperation most voters felt on election day, a large stampede of long-time Biden supporters aren’t even stopping to eat or sleep as they travel on foot to Washington DC. “This shouldn’t be a…
Don Lemon: ‘America Has Embarrassed Herself In Front Of CHAZ’
It’s been a rough few days for America. Thankfully, Don Lemon was there to help put things in perspective. “Rioting. Breaking things. Seriously? I, for one, demand to know where these unhappy protestors got the idea that these actions were acceptable,” a fuming Lemon said. “And to make matters worse, America has embarrassed herself in…