The International Olympic Committee has agreed to add the rapidly growing sport of going-back-to-your-car-to-get-your-mask to the 2024 Olympic games.
The sport will require participants to park a sedan thirty-five meters from a department store, mutter the F-word just before reaching for the door handle then relay back to their vehicle to retrieve their face mask.
“Contestants will be judged on the look of disgust just before reaching the entrance,” a committee member said. “The F-word is preferred, but shaking your fist in the air and proclaiming how ‘stupid everyone is’ will also be permitted.”
Many nations are struggling to field a team for the new game. Switzerland, a country famous for not requiring face masks, keeps blissfully running into the building to shop. On the other hand, the Saudi Arabia team never forgets their face coverings but is slowed by their unfamiliarity with retail stores.
Regional tryouts for team USA were scheduled at 9 am, but a 9:02 start was allowed as nearly everyone needed to head back to their car to get their masks.