It’s been a rough few days for America. Thankfully, Don Lemon was there to help put things in perspective.
“Rioting. Breaking things. Seriously? I, for one, demand to know where these unhappy protestors got the idea that these actions were acceptable,” a fuming Lemon said. “And to make matters worse, America has embarrassed herself in front of CHAZ.”
And Lemon was right. Reports are the fine citizens from CHAZ were horrified and ashamed of America.
“Wow. I’m glad I left that country when I did,” a local CHAZ citizen said. “Seeing what’s happening over there made me wet my pants, have a seizure, and scream obscenities at a shopping cart for an hour. Some people say that was the heroin, but I think it was disappointment in America.”
Historians are pointing out that the nation of CHAZ also arose from political violence. We sent a reporter to CHAZ to get a comment on what many consider hypocrisy.
“No. We would never act like ugly Americans,” a CHAZ representative said. “We’re a caring, tolerant, and civilized nation.”
When our reporter disagreed, he was immediately beheaded.
Update: Don Lemon has accepted Joe Biden’s offer to become the CHAZ ambassador. Despite being the only television show in the young nation, Lemon is still somehow coming in 4th in their ratings.
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