Despite having 50 years to let it go, feminists and progressives are still fuming at the flag the men of NASA chose to plant on the Moon. “It’s an outrage,” Elizabeth Alpert told The Glorious American. “That horrible flag is what’s holding women back from our own Moon adventures. Seriously, most women are unwavering rule…
Category: U.S. News
Clippy Saves Clintons Again, This Time Writes Letter Distancing Couple From Jeffrey Epstein
After the horrifying crimes of Jeffery Epstein were revealed Monday, the Clintons did the super normal thing by scrambling to a computer to quickly write a detailed account of what they didn’t know. “What the waaaa?” Bill began the letter. “Jeffery WHO??” he continued on. It was then that Clippy, Microsoft’s virtual office assistant, knew…
California Earthquake Shakes Loose Twelve More Taxes, Lawmakers Rejoice
When mother nature strikes, it’s rare she brings good news. However, that was the case when California lawmakers awoke Thursday morning. “Would you believe the earthquake shook free a dozen new taxes?” Gavin Newsom said. “This is great news!” He yelled pumping his fist. Before the quake, the 12 new taxes were stuck in gridlock…
Mall Closes Its Doors, Forgets To Tell Sears Employees
After 62 years of serving Henderson, Nevada, Cedar Mall is closing its doors and converting the building into a Trampoline City. The problem is, no one bothered to tell Sears. “To be honest, we kind of forgot that Sears was even there,” said property manager, Don Booker. The Mall’s last day of business was Saturday,…
Pete Buttigieg Promises To Cure Turkey Neck If Elected
Democrat presidential hopeful and media darling, Pete Buttigieg, has vowed to completely cure Turkey Neck if elected. This follows the pattern set by Joe Biden who promised to cure cancer if elected. “Curing cancer will probably get all the headlines,” Mayor Pete said. “But if you or a loved one has suffered from looking like…