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California Earthquake Shakes Loose Twelve More Taxes, Lawmakers Rejoice

California Earthquake Shakes Loose Twelve More Taxes, Lawmakers Rejoice

When mother nature strikes, it’s rare she brings good news. However, that was the case when California lawmakers awoke Saturday morning.

“Would you believe the earthquake shook free a dozen new taxes?” Gavin Newsom said.  “This is great news!” He yelled pumping his fist.

Before the quake, the 12 new taxes were stuck in gridlock but the California earth jolting around seemed to break them loose upon the surviving tax payers.

“And people say nothing gets done in government,” Governor Newsom said while doing the worm on the capital floor.

Highlights among the freshly unleashed new taxes are:

Carpet tax
Words that rhyme tax
Incorrect WiFi password attempt tax
Mustache tax
Dogs-in-sweater tax

While it was a joyous day in Sacramento, lawmakers warn the estimated 1.2 billion in new revenue won’t be nearly enough.

Yet, Governor Newsom remained upbeat;

“It’s easy to be cynical about government but it’s moments like this that remind me why I got into public service,” Newsom said while executing a series of backflips.