If you were one of the 80 people who watched the Oscars, you probably remember Joaquin Phoenix’s fiery anti-dairy speech: “First we take the cow’s milk! And then we take that milk which was intended for their baby calf and we defile our fruity pebbles with it! And we also use it for our cereal!”…
Category: U.S. News
AOC: 'Bernie Sanders is Only Candidate Left Who Survived Y2K'
While speaking at a Bernie rally this week, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez may have gotten a bit too aggressive in defending Bernie Sanders, claiming he was “the only candidate left who survived Y2K.” “Bernie is the only candidate who can tame a wild stallion with just the sound of his monotone yell! She roared into the mic.…
Bernie Guarantees 100% Childhood Literacy With New Book: “Learn To Read (Or Die)”
Senator Bernie Sanders left the nation in awe this week after unveiling his new children’s book titled: “Learn to Read (or Die)”. According to Sanders, this book is “guaranteed” to give America a 100% literacy rate among youngsters. The book’s title, which ends in “(or Die)” is raising eyebrows with Americans. But in Bernie’s twelve…
Democrats Give John Bolton a Nuclear Warhead as a ‘Thank You’ for Turning on Trump
As a show of their gratitude for turning on President Trump, Washington democrats all pitched in and bought John Bolton his very own nuclear warhead. “Why are you here? No comment,” a grumpy Bolton initially said as he saw several prominent Democrats gathered on his porch. But when he learned what they had brought him,…
Sean Hannity Skillfully Persuades Hunter Biden to Washington to Take Witness Stand
It appears Sean Hannity, of all people, has masterfully persuaded Hunter Biden to travel to Washington DC. Even more shocking, the Fox News host believes he can lure Hunter all the way to the witness chair if given a clear path. “What can I say?” Hannity explained. “I guess I just have the magic dust—I…