BRYANT POND, ME– ClosinFox News parting with Tucker Carlson may have officially backfired on the network. And now it’s coming for public school union leaders. A new report shows that millions of frustrated parents are retaliating against their local districts by adding the Tucker Carlson For Kids hour to their homeschool curriculums. “If they want…
Category: U.S. News
Florida Math Teacher Remains In Critical Condition After Going Whole Hour Without Talking About Sex Life
CAPE CAROL, FL— Florida Math teacher, Chester McGroomer spent the weekend in intensive care after withholding details of his sex life from all his students the previous week. McGroomer, who teaches second-grade math, was forced by Governor Ron DeSantis to teach second-grade math. After the controversial ‘Don’t Say Gay Three Times In A Mirror, Or…
‘Keep It Up, And I’ll Deport Aladdin,’ DeSantis Tells Disney
ORLANDO, FL– If Disney keeps mouthing off, Ron DeSantis will move to deport Aladdin, the governor said Tuesday. “Last summer, I grabbed Disney’s precious tax exemptions like Arthur grabbed the sword in the stone, and I whipped that baby away,” DeSantis told the press. “And if Disney says any more stupid crap, we’ll march right…
Pete Buttigieg Lists Things America Needs, Accidentally Includes Mike Pence Wall Calendar
CHARLESTON, SC– While speaking at a South Carolina fundraiser, Pete Buttigieg rattled off a list of things America needs. But he finished his plea with a rather curious item. “This nation needs affordable housing! And what this nation needs is a living wage!” the mayor said, each idea getting thunderous applause. “And what this nation…
Extremely Rare All-White Humpback Spotted, Immediately Shot By BLM
SAN FRANCISCO, CA–Just one in one million humpback whales are completely white, and marine scientists were thrilled to spot one in the East Bay near Oakland on Wednesday. Naturally, a member of the Oakland BLM chapter shot the whale directly in the blowhole the moment it breached the surface. Many believed the researchers provoked the…