Mayor Pete Buttigieg ended his gig as Secretary of Transportation Friday, citing the need to spend more time with this family. After he explained this to his disappointed supporters, someone yelled, “We understand, Pete! I’m sure you miss that newborn baby of yours!” But oddly, Buttigieg shot back, “What? Who? No. That baby is out…
Category: U.S. News
Designers Of Zoo’s Tiger Cage Praised After Month Of Only 221 Breakthrough Cases
The fence that surrounds the tiger enclosure at the San Diego Zoo has reached an unprecedented level of effectiveness. This month alone there have only been 221 breakthrough cases. While zoo-goers were expecting zero breakthrough cases, experts still say the engineers who designed the fence should be praised as modern-day gods. “These fences are a miracle,” Ben…
Travel Hack: Man Takes Off Mask The Second Plane Touches Ground So He’s Made To Get Off First
Everyone loves a good life hack. And Travis Fields has given us a real doozy for the next time you fly. For months now, the young Portland sales rep has mastered a clever trick to avoid the slow and cumbersome process of exiting a plane. By simply taking off his mask upon touchdown, Travis is immediately thrown…
Nicki Minaj Named President Of The Heritage Foundation
Republicans are often accused of immediately embracing any celebrity who voices even the slightest amount of conservative values. Well, that didn’t happen this time because The Heritage Foundation waited nearly two full days before appointing Nicki Minaj as their president. “Miss Minaj’s roughly fifty hours of rejecting the left demonstrates a rich legacy of conservativism…
Shameful: Joe Biden Leaves Dozens Of Americans Stranded In Portland
In perhaps his most heartless move to date, fictional President Joe Biden has decided to abandon roughly two dozen Americans in the savage region of Portland, Oregon. Biden’s call to officially withdraw came shortly after Portland’s bearded men and women beat down the last few police officers using only a pinecone, three house cats, and…
