Republicans are often accused of immediately embracing any celebrity who voices even the slightest amount of conservative values.
Well, that didn’t happen this time because The Heritage Foundation waited nearly two full days before appointing Nicki Minaj as their president.
“Miss Minaj’s roughly fifty hours of rejecting the left demonstrates a rich legacy of conservativism that made her immensely qualified to run our operation,” read the press release from The Heritage Foundation. “When she said she wasn’t comfortable with the vaccine because her cousin’s testicles swelled up, many of the hearts within Heritage’s leadership swelled up too. We had to have her.”
Minaj accepted the role and quickly began making changes.
Beginning on Monday, The Heritage Foundation will no longer be “a bunch of stuffy ass white boy nerds.” The men’s suits and ties will be replaced with baby blue Adidas velour sweatsuits, and the women will now only be wearing the men’s ties. Also, all HR issues were solved overnight by Minaj’s threat to “open up a can.”
Donations are pouring in under Nicki’s leadership, and triflin’ asses have reached record lows within Heritage. Even better, rival conservative think tanks are reportedly super jelly and salty as mofos.
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