AUSTIN, TX– After The View‘s Whoopi Goldberg made perhaps her biggest “whoopi” yet, ABC decided to suspend her without pay or cake. “The Nazi Party was just that. A party,” Goldberg explained to her audience. “They didn’t have a problem with the Jewish people. It’s just the party was BYOB, and the Jews kept bringing…
Category: Media & Tech
Unable To Void His Degree, Harvard Asks Ben Shapiro To Forget Everything He Learned There
After Harvard University’s unsuccessful attempt to void Ben Shapiro’s degree, the school has formally requested the well-known conservative to forget everything that was taught to him while he attended. Sources tell The Glorious American there was a mob of angry progressives demanding Shapiro’s acceptance letter to Harvard be retroactively rescinded. “We had our best lawyers…
Peter Doocy Says Joe Biden Called Him To Say ‘My Butt’s Been Wiped’
It wasn’t the best apology, but Peter Doocy will take what he can get. Joe’s phone call to Fox’s reporter came after the president hosted a press conference centered around treating others respectfully and politely. “Alright, s–t heads, any questions?” Joe snapped to the group. “What about you, Doocy? You’re always on my ass. Why…
Odd: Sex Crimes Sharply Plummet After CNN Closes Building Due To COVID
ATLANTA, GA–There was some good news to report regarding a sharp decline in sex crimes and it’s too bad CNN was hardly around to report on it. “It’s the craziest thing. Our phone hasn’t rung once since CNN told their crew to stay home,” an FBI agent said. “Not sure what’s going on, but we’re seriously…
Jeffrey Toobin To Chris Cuomo: ‘It'll Be Hard, But You Can Beat It’
On Wednesday night’s From The Neck Up With Jeffrey Toobin, the host gave a touching encouragement to disgraced CNN colleague, Chris Cuomo. “Is the camera on? Zoom in on me real close because I want to tell Chris something. Get in here real close,” Toobin said. “Sir, under no circumstance will the FCC let us zoom…