According to Dr. Fauci, immunity certificates for those who have developed the COVID-19 antibodies are being discussed. “I don’t see why we can’t all wait for another twenty months, poke our heads out of our houses like frightened groundhogs, and then, after another eight weeks, we can think about re-openings. Maybe,” Fauci told Jake Tapper. Then, the…
Category: Law
Police Take Action As Hand Seen Recklessly Gallivanting Around Outside
A human hand was promptly blown to smithereens by over 500 bullets after it was seen disobeying Michigan’s stay-at-home order on Saturday. The man who owned the hand has told The Glorious American he was just reaching for a newspaper when what looked like hundreds of red laser dots appeared all over his hand. “But…
Experts: Shattered Bones In Jeffrey Epstein’s Neck ‘Definitely Coronavirus’
In a stunning new twist to the Jeffrey Epstein saga, the disgraced millionaire’s death was “definitely coronavirus” experts are telling us. “Oh yeah, I don’t even need to do an autopsy. I know its corona” Dr. Webster told The Glorious American. “A lot of people don’t know this, but when then say that a sore…
Local Man Arrested For Suggesting We Should Turn The Economy Back On
Gary Booker of Fredericksburg, Texas was detained by local authorities early this week for suggesting the United States of America consider ‘turning the economy back on.’ Witnesses tell The Glorious American that Gary was saying hysterical things like, “We can’t just all not work for 30 weeks,” and “We’re going to have a 60% unemployment…
Bernie Guarantees 100% Childhood Literacy With New Book: “Learn To Read (Or Die)”
Senator Bernie Sanders left the nation in awe this week after unveiling his new children’s book titled: “Learn to Read (or Die)”. According to Sanders, this book is “guaranteed” to give America a 100% literacy rate among youngsters. The book’s title, which ends in “(or Die)” is raising eyebrows with Americans. But in Bernie’s twelve…