In a stunning new twist to the Jeffrey Epstein saga, the disgraced millionaire’s death was “definitely coronavirus” experts are telling us. “Oh yeah, I don’t even need to do an autopsy. I know its corona” Dr. Webster told The Glorious American. “A lot of people don’t know this, but when then say that a sore…
Category: Law
Local Man Arrested For Suggesting We Should Turn The Economy Back On
Gary Booker of Fredericksburg, Texas was detained by local authorities early this week for suggesting the United States of America consider ‘turning the economy back on.’ Witnesses tell The Glorious American that Gary was saying hysterical things like, “We can’t just all not work for 30 weeks,” and “We’re going to have a 60% unemployment…
Bernie Guarantees 100% Childhood Literacy With New Book: “Learn To Read (Or Die)”
Senator Bernie Sanders left the nation in awe this week after unveiling his new children’s book titled: “Learn to Read (or Die)”. According to Sanders, this book is “guaranteed” to give America a 100% literacy rate among youngsters. The book’s title, which ends in “(or Die)” is raising eyebrows with Americans. But in Bernie’s twelve…
Michael Avenatti Officially a Criminal, Clears Final Step to Become Democrat Presidential Candidate
After Michael Avenatti was declared a criminal, the media darling has cleared the important and final step for becoming a Democrat presidential candidate. As Avenatti was being walked from the courthouse to a squad car, he delivered this brief victory speech: “To those who doubted that this young man from northern California could one day…
Vermont Police on Lookout for Package Thief
Please take a moment to look at the picture above. If this man looks familiar, please alert the Vermont authorities. This man has been combing Vermont’s Chittenden County neighborhoods, swiping packages off of porches left and right. Package thieves, or “porch pirates”, are common in Vermont but this particular thief represents the top 1% in…