Defense attorneys for team Rittenhouse have asked the judge for a mistrial after the drone footage provided showed the 17-year-old whipping migrants on horseback. “Your Honor, this is not the same footage we received. This version is a poorly doctored video of Kyle on a horse. And the footage we have is of the rapists handing Kyle…
Category: Law
Prosecution: ‘You Can Only Use Self-Defense After You’ve Been Killed’
Prosecutor Thomas Binger isn’t called the Chandler Bing of Wisconsin law for nothing. During the closing arguments of the Kyle Rittenhouse trial, Binger uncovered another highly disputed legal statute. “Ladies and gentlemen, this is simple; one can only use self-defense after they’ve been killed. Can this case be any more clear?” As usual, the jury shifted uneasily…
Prosecutor Bombshell: ‘If Kyle Rittenhouse Is Innocent, Why Is He White?’
In a dramatic moment of the Kyle Rittenhouse trial, the prosecution asked a question to the jury that might change everything. “Ladies, gentlemen and all other combinations of the sixty-one other genders, I ask you this; If Kyle Rittenhouse is innocent, why is he white?” Prosecutor Thomas Binger asked, crossing his arms and then leaning…
Biden Lays Out Generous Jobs Program For Lawyers
In a rather odd way, fictional President Joe Biden laid out a generous jobs program for lawyers Thursday night. “Listen here, fat. In the coming days, I’m gonna put y’all back in chains. Got it?” Biden said in an effort to get the attention of the legal community. Then, to make it crystal clear he was attempting…
Doctor Who Told Patients To Eat ‘An Apple A Day’ Charged With Prescribing Horse Food
Dawsonville, GA– Our pandemic was going so great. But it looks like a hotshot doctor in northern Georgia may have ruined everything. Dr. Jessi Roberts, a straight white male, was caught suggesting his patients eat horse food ‘every day’ for over twelve years. Even more disgusting, he made up a little rhyme to help his victims…