Prosecution: ‘You Can Only Use Self-Defense After You’ve Been Killed’

Prosecution: ‘You Can Only Use Self-Defense After You’ve Been Killed’

Prosecutor Thomas Binger isn’t called the Chandler Bing of Wisconsin law for nothing. During the closing arguments of the Kyle Rittenhouse trial, Binger uncovered another highly disputed legal statute.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is simple; one can only use self-defense after they’ve been killed. Can this case be any more clear?”

As usual, the jury shifted uneasily in their seats as the judge slowly stood up and got into his textbook-yelling stance.

“BINGER! That’s ridiculous! Strike that from the record before I strike him in the face. Now put another dollar in the ‘I’m a retard’ jar! I swear if my nunchucks weren’t stuck on that boat in Long Beach…”

Unfazed by another verbal thrashing, Binger continued. Using an AR-15 to blast holes through pertinent parts of his PowerPoint presentation, he revealed more questionable logic:

“Members of the jury, have we completely forgotten about Wisconsin’s little-known ‘5-shot rule’? You know, the same guys who made up the 5-second rule about eating food off the floor also passed the law allowing the aggressors to have a five-bullet advantage before you can return fire. Oh, c’mon. Nothing?”

Related Story: Prosecutor Bombshell: ‘If Kyle Rittenhouse Is Innocent, Why Is He White?’

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