ATLANTA, GA — The six-piece chicken nugget meal is actually a hoax perpetrated by powerful men running the fast food industry Stacey Abrams claimed earlier this week. The popular Georgia Democrat explained that a six-piece meal is an “elaborate distraction” from the more sensible forty-piece. “No such thing. My question to the six-piece-truthers is, how…
Category: Health
Dr. Fauci Leaves NIH To Move Goal Posts For The NFL
WASHINGTON, DC— Dr. Fauci’s days of frustrating Americans with his ever-changing criteria for re-opening the nation are over. He has decided to take his goal post moving skills to the NFL, The Glorious American has learned. “We’re always on the lookout for talent, and we welcome him with open arms. Unless he says outstretching one’s…
Teachers: School Permanently Cancelled After Wolf Attacks Spike To .0002%
CHICAGO, IL — Safety comes first. And teachers are not safe if they’re being mauled by wolves while they try to explain long division to 7th graders. This common sense is why teachers’ unions across America have decided to permanently cancel school after a report shows wolf attacks soar to .0002%. The horrifying and surprisingly…
Don Lemon On Monkeypox Diagnosis: ‘You Should See The Other Guy’
ATLANTA, GA – If there’s one thing Americans hate, it’s seeing members of the corporate media infected with ape-like STDs all over their faces. Sadly, that’s exactly what happened to CNN’s Don ‘Power Bottom’ Lemon this weekend when he was diagnosed with Monkeypox. Lemon addressed his nine fans via Instagram Live despite his face melting…
Report: Biden Loses Will To Live After COVID Takes His Sense Of Smell
WASHINGTON, DC — An odd symptom of COVID-19 is the temporary loss of smell. Now that Joe Biden, has reportedly contracted the illness he told those close to him he would ‘rather die’ than suffer without his ability to sniff. “Ol’ sniffy means more to me than any other body part,” Biden told his staff. …