ATLANTA, GA – If there’s one thing Americans hate, it’s seeing members of the corporate media infected with ape-like STDs all over their faces. Sadly, that’s exactly what happened to CNN’s Don ‘Power Bottom’ Lemon this weekend when he was diagnosed with Monkeypox.
Lemon addressed his nine fans via Instagram Live despite his face melting off.
“As many of you know, I’ve contracted perhaps the most inclusive and equitable virus in all the animal kingdom. And on my first try, too!” he said. “Long-time fans know, I’ve always told my dates, ‘When life gives you Lemons, make love and then make monkeypox ointment,’ so don’t feel bad for me. You should see the other guy. Or guys, I should say. I can tell you Stelter looks like the freaking Michelin Tire Man right about now.”
Even worse for Lemon, CNN’s HMO plan will only allow the flamboyant host to be treated by Dr. Jill Biden.
In her bizarre Elmer Fudd voice, Dr. Jill reported on Lemon’s status:
“Ah Yes, my widdle Fwied chicken is doing vewy well. Can all our monkey men heal up in time for the midterms? Si se pwodway!”
Update: Things may get worse for Lemon after it was learned he has filed a trademark for: ‘LemonAIDS!’
Related Story: Don Lemon Remains In Critical Condition After Someone Calls Him ‘Donald’
[@DistefaD, @DeaceMemes & @OvertonGaslight Contributed To This Article.]
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