Donald Trump returned from the UK to find that Washington Democrats had built a golden calf and were fervently worshiping it. “I leave for 3 days,” Trump sighed. “Can you believe this?” the President asked pointing out the window of Marine One. Initially, reports were that Trump was annoyed at the idol worship, but once…
Category: Health
Democrats Introduce Bill Banning Assault Trampolines
On Tuesday, House Democrats pushed through new legislation banning assault trampolines by a vote of 240-190. To some Americans, it may be news to hear that all trampolines purchased before 2001 do not have a safety net and are considered deadly assault trampolines. “These weapons will show no mercy and should be taken off our…
Kirsten Gillibrand Tags Both Of Her Supporters Before Releasing Back Into The Wild
Things got awkward for Kirsten Gillibrand on Sunday night when town hall moderator Chris Wallace asked the Senator why she instructed her campaign to tag the ears of her supporters like cattle. “Listen, Chris,” Gillibrand replied. “I hardly think I’m the first candidate to capture my base, sedate them and tag them before releasing ‘em…
To Combat Food Safety Concerns, Chipotle Will Now Squirt Purell on Your Meal
In an effort to combat their ongoing food safety concerns, Chipotle is now giving each meal a dollop of Purell. The restaurant chain believes that mixing in the hand sanitizer will be a huge win-win. “Not only should the Purell kill off the lethal bacteria, it will offer the piercing alcohol taste many burritos are…