Things got awkward for Kirsten Gillibrand on Sunday night when town hall moderator Chris Wallace asked the Senator why she instructed her campaign to tag the ears of her supporters like cattle.
“Listen, Chris,” Gillibrand replied. “I hardly think I’m the first candidate to capture my base, sedate them and tag them before releasing ‘em back to the wild,” she said to a noticeably frightened audience.
The Gillibrand 2020 team has a sophisticated tracking system, which will alert campaign officials if either citizen considers renouncing their support, or makes an attempt to leave the country.
When the town hall was finished, a desperate Gillibrand hopped on the podium and began swinging the cord of her microphone over her head like a lasso. She caught the ankle of a middle-aged woman before security stepped in.
“This is not how this works!” a panicked Chris Wallace yelled.
When The Glorious American first broke this story, the public and all other media outlets condemned this as fake news. “There’s no way she has two supporters,” tweeted CNN’s Chris Cuomo. “The idea that not 1, but 2 people support Kirsten is laughable,” said husband Jonathan Gillibrand.