Dr. Fauci added one small instruction for all Americans in the latest White House coronavirus briefing. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot,” Fauci said before leaving the podium. “I know it might be a tincy, wincy inconvenience, but if every single American could just sit at home with a sleeping bag over their head for two years,…
Category: Health
Medical Experts Still Can’t Believe Americans Fell For The Old ‘Face Masks Don’t Work’ Trick
Well, we should have listened to our gut. When the nation’s leading medical experts told us that face masks don’t work, nearly everyone thought that sounded a bit odd. Now that our healthcare workers are no longer worried about us fatties hoarding them, we’re being told they’re “absolutely essential to have a chance in hell…
Jim Acosta Asked To Stop Selling ‘Fish Tank Cleaner Smoothies’ At White House Press Briefing
During yesterday’s White House press briefing, Jim Acosta was asked to stop trying to sell ‘fish tank cleaner’ smoothies to members of the media. “You heard the President say it loud and clear, you guys!” Acosta yelled to the press. “He said, and I quote, ‘just guzzle down a whole bunch of fish tank cleaner…
Nightclubs Re-open, Allow One Dancer At A Time
Great news for you party animals out there. Nightclubs throughout America have re-opened their doors, but due to the coronavirus, will allow only one dancer at a time. “We think this is a great compromise,” Miami Club owner, Joe-Joe Bananas told The Glorious American. We’ve decided to open The Slippy Banana Peel so people—I mean…
Mike Lindell Assures Nation He Can Convert 1 My Pillow into 12 Ventilators
With several manufacturing companies stepping up to make ventilators, My Pillow CEO wasn’t about to be outshined. Mike Lindell is now claiming he’s “pretty sure” he can convert one My Pillow into twelve ventilators. When he presented his contraption to medical professionals in D.C., Lindell was reminded of the severity and urgency of the situation. …