, ,

Nightclubs Re-open, Allow One Dancer At A Time

Nightclubs Re-open, Allow One Dancer At A Time

Great news for you party animals out there.  Nightclubs throughout America have re-opened their doors, but due to the coronavirus, will allow only one dancer at a time.

“We think this is a great compromise,” Miami Club owner, Joe-Joe Bananas told The Glorious American.  We’ve decided to open The Slippy Banana Peel so people—I mean a person, can have the time of their life.  All the while being completely safe from the deadly coronavirus.  Plus for a small fee, you get to pick your own music.”

The average nightclub will earn about $25,000 on a Saturday night.  However, this new policy is raking in nearly $40 a night explained Vick Venom, owner of Scottsdale, Arizona’s Viper Hole.  “Our nation’s youth might have a 0.021% chance of dying from this virus, but at Viper Hole, your chance of having a blast is almost quadruple that!”

Despite club owners’ upbeat attitude, Logan “The Legend” Taylor was third in line at Houston’s Famous Factory O’ Funk and had a horrible time.  “I waited two hours to stand on the dance floor alone like a complete douche nozzle?!” Logan screamed upon exiting his forty-five minutes in total isolation.  “I’ve been at the crib for ten days, so I was ready to rage with my crew…but I just stood there like a creeper!  But I’ll definitely be back next Saturday, assuming ‘Rona doesn’t get me first.”

Update:  Joe-Joe Bananas has tested positive for Coronavirus.