Well, we should have listened to our gut. When the nation’s leading medical experts told us that face masks don’t work, nearly everyone thought that sounded a bit odd. Now that our healthcare workers are no longer worried about us fatties hoarding them, we’re being told they’re “absolutely essential to have a chance in hell to survive.”
An interview last month on Fox & Friends should have been our best clue:
Kilmeade: “Wow, so this coronavirus thing sounds scary. We should probably consider getting a face mask, right doctor?”
Doctor: “What?! WHY?! First of all, you’re statistically WAY more likely to catch a deadly illness wearing one. Everyone watching this, open your ears: THEY DON’T WORK! Only a complete idiot would consider getting a face mask!”
Kilmeade: “Well, why are you wearing one doctor?”
At today’s press briefing, key members of the medical community are now admitting that they were lying to us. However, they are claiming the fun they had bamboozling us was well worth it.
“When we just now told everyone ‘you should actually go buy a mask’–You shoulda seen the look on your face!” roared the Surgeon General holding his side with laughter.
As he wiped the tears from his eyes, the Surgeon General reminded everyone to get a face mask. “I know you can’t see that I’ve stopped laughing because my mouth is hidden behind my mask, but I’m serious. Find a face mask right away because you’re all brazenly flirting with death.”