Dr. Fauci added one small instruction for all Americans in the latest White House coronavirus briefing. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot,” Fauci said before leaving the podium. “I know it might be a tincy, wincy inconvenience, but if every single American could just sit at home with a sleeping bag over their head for two years, that would be our only chance for survival. Thank you,” he said before stepping away from the microphone.
“Oh boy,” President Trump said nervously as he regained the podium. “That was… a real gut punch, right there. Are you sure? Sleeping bags on the head?” Trump said turning back to ask Dr. Fauci.
“Oh yes. I mean, if you’re not a person with a compromised immune system, you have a 98.8% chance of living through this whole thing,” he replied. “So a thick sleeping bag over your head for the next 800 days or so will give you a fighting chance. Just think of it like a huge hat that will keep you anchored in place with the inability to see your friends and family. And heck, when we—I should say IF we tell you you can take off your hat, it’ll be like a surprise party to see if we have a country left.”
Trump then awkwardly whispered to Fauci, “But what about the economy?”
“What’s an economy?” the Doctor loudly asked.