As criticism of Andrew Cuomo’s handling of New York grows louder, the governor called a press conference in an attempt to highlight some of his bright spots. “Hey, everyone. Relax, ok?” he said in a thick accent. “There’s still a few people alive, aren’t there? So com’on, fuggedaboutit!” Immediately following the bizarre press conference, PolitiFact…
Category: Health
Gavin Newsom Accidentally Stands In Street Poop While Stressing Need For National Health Standards
On Monday, California Governor, Gavin Newsom tried to raise his national profile by insisting the rest of the country maintain ultra-high sanitary standards like his home state. Unfortunately, Newsom accidentally delivered the speech while standing ankle-deep in world-famous San Francisco street poop. “What this administration has done in terms of health and sanitary standards is…
Democrats Allow Small Businesses To Reopen Providing They Become Wal-Marts
If you’re a small business owner, get ready for some good news. Democrats announced today that if you can quickly convert your store into a Walmart franchise, you will be allowed to reopen. “Republicans who keep saying democrats are being unreasonable are simply lying,” Chuck Schumer said. “All these business owners have to do is…
Dastardly Republicans Hide Birth Control In All The Stores Again
It appears rich, white Republicans are at it again. This time they’re being accused of hiding the birth control in all the stores. Karen McKarenson of Pensacola, Florida is making the claim and she’s livid about it. “Once again, because I’m a woman, I’m forced to go on this wild goose chase searching for my…
Newsom: ‘If I Had Known You Guys Were Going To Abuse The Beaches, I Never Would Have Created Them!’
On Monday, Governor Gavin Newson gave a vicious response to all his Californian peasants who dared to enjoy the beautiful coastline. Shaking with rage as he stared into a TV camera, he said the following: “If I had known you guys were going to abuse the beaches—I never would have created them!” After these remarks,…