As criticism of Andrew Cuomo’s handling of New York grows louder, the governor called a press conference in an attempt to highlight some of his bright spots.
“Hey, everyone. Relax, ok?” he said in a thick accent. “There’s still a few people alive, aren’t there? So com’on, fuggedaboutit!”
Immediately following the bizarre press conference, PolitiFact announced the governor’s comments were “mostly true” and gave the following remark:
“Governor Cuomo’s executive order that demanded all nursing home patients only be given Flintstone Vitamin gummies as medical care was met with harsh criticism. And his decision to install humidifiers in all the subways was seen as deeply dangerous and unpopular. However, he is technically correct to say that ‘a few’ New Yorkers are still alive.”
To celebrate his “mostly true” PolitiFact score, Andrew Cuomo is throwing a huge party at his New York mansion. “I’ve invited everyone!” He yelled. “The local press, the whole gang from CNN is coming up—Everbody! Ah, heck! Even the few New Yorkers still alive can come!”
Update: It is now believed Andrew Cuomo can drive his approval rating up to 100% by way of issuing individual threats to the remaining citizens.