Gang leader turned failed presidential candidate, Andrew Yang, is calling for a way people can provide proof that they have been vaccinated for COVID-19. “We’ve already done the hard part by imprisoning everyone. So like, can’t we get the people who’ve already been vaccinated to wear one of those identifying patches the Germans used?” Yang…
Category: Health
A Great Try! Jill Biden Performs Surgery To Prove She’s A Doctor
It looks like all the joking about Jill Biden not being a real doctor may have backfired on conservatives. On Monday, CNN arranged for Jill Biden to perform the next appendectomy at Delaware’s St. Francis Hospital. “Excuse me, sir? Joe Biden’s wife will be doing your surgery today to prove a point,” a cameraman said…
Dems Hold Focus Group to Determine If Eric Swalwell’s Huge Fart Is Still Funny
Months ago, failed presidential candidate, Eric Swalwell, decided to blow a huge fart at the audience of MSNBC. Conservatives everywhere are laughing. Scientists tell us that this type of wind-breaking is a deep sign of aggression in the animal kingdom. But what about liberal Democrats? What emotions should they have felt as they saw the…
MSNBC: Joe Biden Broke His Brain While Wrestling Grizzly Bear
Fictional President Joe Biden will likely be unable to use his brain for the duration of his term as he recovers from a fight with a local Grizzly Bear, MSNBC reports. X-rays show that Biden’s brain, albeit missing, was probably functioning at a very high level before the bear encounter. However, doctors are now recommending…
Democrats Rejoice After Kamala Harris Finds Special Potion To Cure Biden’s Injured Ankle
Some unfortunate news for make-believe President Joe Biden surfaced on Sunday as the mostly dead man injured his ankle while trying to sniff dogs. Approximately twenty-two seconds after the incident, Kamala Harris screamed she found a special potion specifically for injured ankles. “What can I say? I just find myself staring at Joe all-day searching…