WASHINGTON, DC — In what’s considered their best hire yet, the Kamala Harris campaign has nabbed the guy famous for yanking all the wires out during Forest Gump’s Washington Monument speech. “This guy was hired to get fistfuls of wires and go-to-town. Every time Kamala speaks,” an official said. “We’re willing to pay him anything.”…
Category: Elections
Biden In 2020: ‘I Told Twitter They Had Six Minutes To Take Down The Story And Son Of A B----’
WASHINGTON, DC — Reminiscing with top donors yesterday, Joe Biden bragged about giving Twitter ‘six minutes’ to scrub their platforms on a story that proved he gave special access to Ukraine in exchange for Hunter’s monthly hooker and crack cocaine allowance. Twitter’s Jack Dorsey replied, “So you’re asking us to deliberately censor content from the…
Fox News: 'This Guy Wins Race After Taking Insurmountable One-Inch Lead'
NEW YORK– The crew over at the Fox News Decision Desk continues to impress as they immediately called a 100-meter sprinting race after one inch had been completed. It was a fourth of a second after the starter’s pistol fired when Bret Baier and Martha MacCallum sat up in their chairs as the Fox “alert”…
Joe Biden’s Bike Takes Massive Lead In 2024 Presidential Polling
DELAWARE – After four hours of Doctor Jill Biden yelling, ‘Go faster, ya old poo! Is that all you’ve got?’ at her mighty husband during his mandatory bike ride, the fictional president eventually crashed into a group of reporters, leaving blood and ass everywhere. “Awe.. damn it, Putin! I outta take you out behind the…
'I Quit!' Chris Wallace Storms Off Set Seconds After Fox News Projects Win For A Republican
Seconds after Fox News projected Republican, Glenn Youngkin to be the next governor of Virginia, Chris Wallace made a profanity-laced scene and quit. “Oh, for f– sake! I quit!” Wallace screamed after the announcement. “There are still dozens of suitcases under folding tables probably. This is an outrage!” When Wallace began weeping and tearing his clothes, Fox…