CHESTER COUNTY, PA — In recent years, America has been introduced to a new species of ballots that only come out at around 3:00 am. They’re being called ‘Nocturnal Ballots,’ and many scientists believed they had gone extinct following the 2000 Florida recount. The crew from Plant Earth has assembled teams to study the majestic…
Category: Elections
Kamala Harris Accidentally Touts The 'Soros/Harris Administration'
WASHINGTON, DC — Kamala Harris’ streak of saying the quiet part out loud continued Monday when she mistakenly referred to the administration as the “Soros/Harris administration.” Her slip-up came while speaking in a completely empty Marriott conference room. “Thank you for inviting me to speak at the Democrat Small Business Owners Of America forum,” She…
Poll: Kamala Harris Opens Up 98-Point Lead Among Retarded Whores
WASHINGTON, DC — When it comes to retarded whores, Kamala Harris has built a remarkable 98-point advantage over President Trump, a new Gallup Poll is reporting. The Harris campaign tweeted a link to the poll with the caption: “It’s our time.” A closer look at the poll’s findings shows more good news for the current…
Checkmate: Make-A-Wish Child Wishes Democrats Won’t Steal 2024 Election
FAYETTEVILLE, AR— The betting markets now have Donald Trump as the overwhelming favorite to win the 2024 election after a 7-year-old in Northwest Arkansas used his Make-A-Wish request to prohibit the Democrats from cheating in the swing states. Per the Geneva Conventions, the charity is mandated to deliver the young boy’s dream. Jacob Parker, who…
Ron DeSantis: 'After I'm Elected, I Will Fix All The Voter Fraud'
TALLAHASSEE, FL – Speaking on Fox New’s little-known show, Tucker? I Hardly Know Her, Ron DeSantis promised to deliver Republicans something they’ve not had in a while—their vote. “But first, I need all the votes to count before I can make them count again,” DeSantis clarified. “As the Governor of Florida, I had the authority to…