DELAWARE – After four hours of Doctor Jill Biden yelling, ‘Go faster, ya old poo! Is that all you’ve got?’ at her mighty husband during his mandatory bike ride, the fictional president eventually crashed into a group of reporters, leaving blood and ass everywhere.
“Awe.. damn it, Putin! I outta take you out behind the bleachers and…shower with…anyways, the point is, you did this,” Biden muttered as dozens of media members helped him to his feet.
After the dust settled and the handlebars were carefully dislodged from the president’s rear end, the bike that sent Joe crashing to the ground had consolidated massive support for a 2024 presidential run.
“That bike is now up huge in the polls. I’m getting beat fair and square!” Trump yelled at a recent rally. “America wants to see sleepy Joe crash down like his poll numbers, and the bike is delivering! Perhaps I can be the bike’s VP? Who knows, we’re looking into it.”
Update: Naturally, the bike has been called to testify in front of the January 6th committee to explain its role in the bloody insurrection. Footage of the Capitol Police holding doors open and walking the bike in the chambers will likely spell trouble for its presidential bid.
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