Elizabeth Warren may have just punched her ticket to the White House. In a jam-packed Holiday Inn Express conference room, the Massachusetts senator said she would solve the chronic Middle East problem by officially labeling the whole area a safe space. “You know how the Middle East is always being such a gosh darn, pill?”…
Category: Elections
Democrats Now Demand Trump Label His Impeachment a 2020 Campaign Expense
So far House Democrats have spent over $3 million of taxpayers’ money on the impeachment of Donald Trump. But all that money got them was a sizable lead for the President against all his Democratic challengers. Because of this, Nancy Pelosi is angry and demanding Trump and his reelection campaign list that $3 million as…
Hearing That Top Donors Are Found in Caves, Bernie Sanders Now Greatly Disturbing the Bear Habitat
“Would you please come and get this crazy Socialist out of here!” That was the message issued to the DNC from Wyoming’s Department of Fish and Game. After hearing from Mayor Pete and Elizabeth Warren that caves are crawling with billionaire democrat donors, Bernie Sanders apparently felt the urge to explore this untapped opportunity. However,…
Obama Urges Biden To Drop Out of Race So Democrats Can Nominate a Woman or Another Man
A disappointing day for the Biden campaign as Barrack Obama has suggested Joe Biden drop out of the presidential race. “Joe knows I love him. He knows I think he’d make an amazing President or crossing guard,” Obama told a group at a private event. “But I think the Democrats need to be trailblazers and…
Local House Cats Marvel at Hillary’s: “I Want in the Race! —Actually, I Don’t—But Now I Do!” Routine
Sources are telling The Glorious American that house cats everywhere are marveling at Hillary Clinton’s: “I want in the race! —Actually, I don’t—But now I do!” routine. “They’ve never seen anything like it,” Doris Wilson said of her three cats: Tigger, Jasper and Max. “When Hillary’s on TV and she announces she’s entering the presidential…