Marriott Hotels has officially asked Greta Thunberg to stop arriving at their locations via boat and crashing into their buildings. Thunberg, who is on a speaking tour along the west coast, has been using Marriott conference rooms as she raises awareness for climate change. However, because cars are wicked, wicked things, Greta and her crew…
Category: Breaking News
As Tensions Calm, French Army Asks Trump if He Needs Any Help With the Terrorists
Now that tensions between America and Iran seem to be de-escalating, the French Army has formally asked President Trump if he needs any help with the terrorists. “Bonjour Monsieur Trump, asistaunce with du boom boom?” The official communication from the French army read. President Trump was simultaneously confused and furious. He contacted French officials over…
Guy Who Thought Joe Biden Was Second Best Person to Run Nation Questions Trump’s Foreign Policy
The guy whose legacy was largely erased 90 days into Donald Trump’s first term, is criticizing the current foreign policy decisions. That man, who scholars can confirm is Barack Obama, also appears to be the same guy who once believed Joe Biden was qualified to be president. “You gotta be wise,” Obama said. “Like when…
Hollywood Using Facial Recognition Technology To Determine Who Laughed At Old Ricky Gervais Monologue
Many Hollywood agencies have deployed special technology to determine exactly which celebrities thought Ricky Gervais’ monologue was funny. Sources are telling The Glorious American that whoever is seen laughing or smiling at the routine will be dismissed from any current acting gig and will be blackballed immediately. Already we can report that Jennifer Aniston can…