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As Tensions Calm, French Army Asks Trump if He Needs Any Help With the Terrorists

As Tensions Calm, French Army Asks Trump if He Needs Any Help With the Terrorists

Now that tensions between America and Iran seem to be de-escalating, the French Army has formally asked President Trump if he needs any help with the terrorists.

“Bonjour Monsieur Trump, asistaunce with du boom boom?” The official communication from the French army read.

President Trump was simultaneously confused and furious. He contacted French officials over the phone and reportedly yelled, “What the hell is this note?!”

“ABANDON!!!” the voice on the other end of the phone screamed. Complete chaos erupted in France and moments later the country formally surrendered to the United States via twitter:

“Monsieur Trump, la mercy! We will give poulet du Kentucky! Please mercy, USA!”

Today’s surrender is being recorded with the new world record time of 0:00. France also held the previous world record for quickest surrender back in 2007. It was recorded that government officials heard loud screams taking place at a Justin Timberlake concert in Paris, so French officials reflexively relinquished their countries sovereignty to JT for over an hour.