WASHINGTON, DC — As rumors swirl that Joe Biden is barely alive, the fictional President put his doubters to shame with a masterful series of backflips and somersaults on Monday. “See? You can even kick him, and he won’t lose balance. Watch,” Jill told the press as she forcefully pushed Biden with his leg. Joe…
Category: Biden
Jill Enrolls Husband In X-Games To Combat Rumors Of Frailty
DAYTONA BEACH, FL— Nothing warms Jill Biden’s heart quite like seeing her husband slowly fall down a flight of stairs. And we all know her love language is watching the fictional president roll his bike to a complete stop, forget how to balance, and fall over like a sack of potatoes. But when the gifted…
Jill Biden Signs Sweeping Executive Order Legalizing Elder Abuse
WASHINGTON, DC — On Friday, Jill Biden placed her foot on the lower back of her husband and used it to forcefully shove him to the ground. Then she demanded a White House staffer hand her a pen. The cap of the pen was stuck tightly at first, but nevertheless, she persisted. Moments later, she had signed…
CNN Adds Second Debate So Biden Can Finish All The Sentences He Began
WASHINGTON, DC — In a naked attempt to boost the ratings and save Joe Biden’s 2024 hopes, CNN has quickly agreed to add a second debate so the fictional President can finish the rest of the sentences he began. “President Biden, when you said, ‘Under my administration, America…cocker spaniels will now be 100% in charge…